


This Gun for Hire

by esteefee



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, Drunken Kissing, First Time, Frottage, M/M, Past Jennifer/Rodney, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 22:30:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8865823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esteefee/pseuds/esteefee
Summary: John is outraged, outraged on Rodney's behalf.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Beta by Mischief. From an idea we had.
> 
> (TBC this is crackish.)

"I'll kill her if you want." 

"What?" Rodney lifted his head from contemplating his beer, his third, maybe his fourth, to peer at Sheppard. "You'd do what?" The surf was loud tonight; maybe he was hearing things.

"Kill her. I'd blow away Jennifer for you, if you wanted." Sheppard shrugged casually and leaned back, his black hoodie rucking up behind his head. "If it would make you feel better."

"I—you—" Rodney stuttered. "That's...what? Well, I mean, flattering, really—"

"I'm not trying to be flattering," John muttered darkly.

"How many beers have you had, anyway?" They'd thrown on their sweats and headed out to the pier a while ago now—long enough, apparently. 

"A few," John admitted. "It's—she made you unhappy. And it would be easy—one push and whoosh!" John motioned. "Over the side. Who would notice? They'd think she went early to her new research clinic at fancy-pants Harvard leaving you all alone." 

"Wow. Just...you sound even more bitter than I am."

"She made you sad." John glared at the air. "She deserves it. Maybe a long drop is too merciful. I could use my knife. Not the KA-BAR, but the shirtiv Ronon gave me. That thing is sharp as anything."

"Okay, that's it: I'm cutting you off," Rodney said, stopping John from taking another beer. 

"Look at you," John said, looking at him fondly. "Putting on the tough act. I know you're hurting, buddy. It's okay; you don't have to be brave."

"Um, not so much," Rodney said. "And you definitely don't have to kill her; not that I think you would."

"Well, scare her a little, maybe." John bit his lip, looking rueful. "I couldn't kill her. She did save my life a bunch of times, and fair is fair."

"Riiight." Rodney shook his head.

"But I could definitely scare the bejesus out of her," John said.

"Because she hurt me," Rodney said slowly.

"Yeah."

"And you don't like that idea very much."

John shook his head ponderously, his eyes dark with anger. Rodney stared, his heart burning with sudden hope as John pointed at him. 

"You're totally devastated."

"Eh," Rodney shrugged. "Not so much, it turned out."

"No?" John goggled at him. "But she broke your heart!"

"Maybe a little. An eensy bit."

"See?" John said, nodding firmly, and then he toppled over like a tree. Rodney caught him, his beer the only casualty. It went spinning off the deck and into the ocean.

"Oops?" John said, looking up at him, head in Rodney's lap.

"Oops, indeed." Rodney grinned, and John smiled back warmly, his eyes crinkling.

"You all right?" John clasped Rodney's wrist where it rested over his chest.

"I think I'll survive," Rodney said wryly. "And wouldn't you know it, I'm suddenly feeling better." He dared to sink the fingers of his other hand in John's hair and watched his eyes flutter closed in pleasure.

"Really? You're not joshing?" John's eyes slitted open.

"Cross my heart."

"Good. Killing her would be bad." John said. "She's nice. And I think she's working on a cure for asthma."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "And I happen to love her."

John frowned and pressed his lips together, so Rodney took pity on him.

"But not as much as it turned out I, ah, feel for another idiot of my acquaintance."

John's frown hadn't let up.

Rodney sighed. "That's you, moron."

John's eyes popped open. "Oh, yeah?"

"Don't be stupid; it's not a turn-on." That simply wasn't true, though, because John squeezed Rodney's wrist, hard, and he had a little wrinkle to his eyebrows that meant he was probably about to burst out with some troublesome emotions, probably something that would make Rodney wibble if he weren't careful to nip this in the bud. John was drunk, after all. He couldn't be trusted to know what he was really feeling.

"Rodney—?"

"No, no-no. You're drunk. Best to save this for another time."

"You have got to be kidding me." John attempted to raise himself onto his elbows, but Rodney pushed him back down.

"Just relax and enjoy the fresh ocean breeze," Rodney said airily.

"Oh, screw that," John said, and then something happened, gravity spinning sideways or some such, and Rodney found himself on his back with John hovering over him, one firm thigh thrust between Rodney's legs, and Rodney's head bracketed by John's forearms.

"There we go," John said with satisfaction, and then lowered his head and kissed Rodney right on the mouth. John's lips were soft, so very soft, indescribably so. It was patently unfair that a man should have lips so soft yet firm and full, but there it was, and the way they pressed and nibbled and sucked at Rodney's lips was just...oh. Unjust.

"Jesus, Rodney," John said, his voice deep and soft as he ground his rigid erection against Rodney's, the soft material of their sweatpants no hindrance to sensation. 

John shoved, and Rodney shoved back, and it felt like Atlantis itself was rocking with them, or maybe that was the beer, but it felt so goddamned good that Rodney wrapped his legs around John's skinny hips and let John pound him into an orgasm while he chanted, "Yes, God, yes, keep, keep, right there, just like, God, yes!" It had been so long since he'd felt so good, and guilt-free about feeling good, that he had to grab John by his ridiculous hair and kiss him again.

John kissed him back enthusiastically and then moaned against Rodney's neck as he finished coming himself.

"Well," Rodney said. "So much for waiting until you're sober."

John lifted his head. "You think I need to be sober to want you?"

"What? No, I—the reverse!"

John shook his head and grinned. "But I already know I want you sober. This was a test of the drunk me."

"You...I—you make absolutely no sense."

"Ha! Look who's talking." John rolled onto his back beside Rodney, thus making it possible for him to breathe once again. It also made Rodney aware of the uncomfortable state of his underdrawers. 

"I need to go back to my quarters and shower."

"Copy that." John reached down and adjusted himself, and Rodney pretended not to look. And then he remembered and let himself look. 

John caught him staring and gave him a slow, lascivious smile that made Rodney shiver. 

"My quarters have a bigger shower," John said casually.

"You're on."

 

....................................  
December 14, 2016  
San Francisco, CA

  


original screencap by [fu-dragon](http://fu-dragon.livejournal.com)  



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